Nelson vs. World

Let's get the skinny on the world of Nelson. 

After a solid month and some change of living in the hallway 

in Salt Lake City, I have moved back to Provo crashing at the Liberty Square, home of free hot dog Fridays.  Before I get into the details of my new Provo life, lets take a recap of what went down at SLC this last summer.

The best thing that came out of my stay at home was the discovery of the 13th world wonder: Gianna the Wii sports superstar.  Check this one out world, coming in at 24.3 lbs, this feather weight champion destroys the competition with her fierce moves, startling physical physique, and her glamorous boxing coach.  I was an eye witness of this superstar downing 28 bags on the Wii sports training mode, a feat that I have never seen anyone rival.  I take all the credit, I taught her all she knows.  Her secret is her height, when you are 2 feet tall every shot you take is an uppercut, which leads to complete pulverizing power.  Take a look at this freedom fighter making this world a safer place to live in.  This boxing coach has great hopes for G-unit's boxing future.  I want Hollyfield.  

Inbetwixed my SLC adventures and my Provo pilgrimage was the annual Wittwer Midway gathering.  The major event this year was the all inclusive family kickball game, complete with nose breaking action, Richard Orr shanking batting, and amazing outfielding by yours truely.  I remember the play vividly, bases were loaded, my team was up by 37 points, and Dave Helm was on third base for the opposing team.  Jason, our fearless pitcher wound up, pitched a knuckle ball, and the race was on.  Dave was on the run for home, Bryan Orr fielded the ball to Jason, and Jason dove headfirst for the incredibly nibble, incredibly lanky Dave Helm.  A snap crack pop later, and Jason was on the ground with brown stuff coming out of his nose.  Quickly Jason recovered to pitch the innings of his life.  Grandpa made a cameo appearance as he had a ghost runner do his dirty work.  It was good to see him come out of retirement for this gig, I think the fans really appreciated a blast from the past.  Thunder-thighs Wittwer still had it in him as he posted a double from the plate.  The problem is, he will have to wait another 20 years to be inducted into the hall of fame for appearing in another regulation game, but I think we all agree, it was well worth the wait.  Later, Richard Orr would have all five of his kicks caught by my amazing outfielders, what happened Coach?  Oh, thats right, you weren't counting on me being in left field.  Think twice before you mess with Texas.  

The game was interrupted by the arrival of the newly engaged Spencer Orr and Rachel Taylor (Orr).  The fans were really disappointed to see the game come to an end like that, but the celebration made for a great halftime show.  The brains behind this outfit was Julie Orr, who made McGiver look like a sissy with her integral welcome plans for the newly engaged couple.  Truly this was a spectal to be seen, as if Spencer's classy Disneyland engagement wasn't classy enough, Julie wanted the soon to be Orr to feel welcome to our crazy family.  After covertly ascertaining the position of the the mysterious Blue Chevy, Julie had set up the welcoming committee.  The center piece to this welcoming party was a giant green banner that read "Spenc CTRachel," or something like that, suspended from the deck of our Pizza-hut shaped cabin; the details are kind of fuzzy due to my excitement after being handed 14 sparklers.  So what would you do in that situation?  Exactly what my family and I did when the Chevy strolled into the U-shaped driveway, we frolicked, and we frolicked good, and we did it with our sparklers burning, mama didn't raise no fool 7-up.  Rachel later commented, "I can't believe how well they frolicked, I seriously questioned marrying into this family, but now I have the sparkler frolick guarantee.  I couldn't be more happy."  My seal of approval for the marriage was given later that night after I drilled the young Rachel with Little Rascals trivia.  She correctly stated the street value of Porky's pickle, that'll play Rachel, that'll play.  CTR, choose the Rachel, way to go my good man, way to go.  

The lineup for next week is finals week for Econ 110.  I have a midterm on monday, and a final on Thursday.  Luckily I wont have basketball to distract me anymore.  After Sunday's game, that show will be long gone.  As a bandwagon Jazz fan, I feel I have all the right to hate the Lakers, so here it is, your moment of Zen:

How do you like them apples Kobe? You gave up a 24 point lead in the third quarter at home? What a beautiful game, MVP for shizzle.  Now go away before I taunt you a second time.